A Message to Employees & Employers: The Pandemic Isn't Over (Yet)

Last year was a roller-coaster.

Like many tech workers in my demographic, I was shielded from the worst of COVID-19. Still, the pandemic affected us all. For me, it had a huge impact on my mental health.

My partner and I both work full-time, so the housework and parenting is split evenly down the middle. Until last year, cleaners came semi-frequently and daycare assumed a huge of part of child-rearing duties. At work, this allowed me to focus and excel, but also pause to enjoy hobbies and friendships. At home, it allowed me to relish in the highs and lows of parenting, but also pause to take space when I needed it. Pretty luxurious, right? 🧘

Fast-forward several months into the pandemic. Our family of four—spouse and I plus 2 small children—are trapped in the house. Everyone is sick of each other. I am doing hands-on child care 6 hours a day (changing diapers, taking the kids on walks, making lunches, etc.) while also working in a demanding new role that did not slow down whatsoever throughout 2020. I felt exhausted, but I also felt lonely.

Why loneliness? I was isolated from my friends and extended family, hobbies and activities, and my team, none of whom could identify with the struggles of "pandemic parenting". For the first time in my life, I felt like I was failing as a father, husband, friend, and teammate.

So what happened?

Did I vanquish my demons and rise in triumph, finally at peace with my struggles? Haha. No.

What I did do was try out like a dozen “healthy” coping mechanisms, including building a sauna in my backyard, playing lots of chess, writing my most painful thoughts and feelings into a journal, and even moving my family to Costa Rica for 5 months.

Still, I feel like I’m climbing out of a depression. Still, I haven’t figured out how to balance my love for my family, my job, and myself. Still, I fear for the future.

Why share this story on LinkedIn?

Because, to be honest, nobody in my professional network is speaking plainly about how hard last year really was. Nobody is saying "Yes, last year really hurt, and still hurts today". And, perhaps in part due to that silence, few employers have invested in creating safe spaces for employees to discuss how that hurt might be showing up in the workplace.

To employees: If you’re feeling scared, isolated, or raw, don’t apologize*.* If you’ve fallen behind at work, don’t feel ashamed*.* Remember that, sometimes, the answer to why you're behind or distracted or stressed is as simple as "We're in a global pandemic". Full stop. And if you’re sacrificing wellness to meet corporate deadlines, trust me: everyone will lose in the end*.*

To employers: This is an opportunity to win loyalty by investing in your teams. Give them a space to voice their struggles, and earn trust by sharing in their pain. Ask yourself: "how can I say thanks in a way that resonates?" At company meetings, share stories of suffering, celebrate survival, and reserve the first and last slide in the deck for one phrase: "THANK YOU for showing up, for doing the work, for being weak and strong at the same time". You are one team, after all.

The ask: soften your heart.

This may sound crazy, but try to soften your heart to those in your community, even if just for a moment. Ask "Are you OK?", and when they deflect with a joke, say "No, really. I want to hear". As humans, we need to tell stories of suffering in our communities order to share our pain and make sense of the world, especially in times of struggle and awakening.

If you need to share your own story, feel free to DM me. There is strength in numbers! 💪

Breathe in. Breathe out. We’ll get through this! ❤️